Health Upp After a traumatic event, supporting a loved one can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re unsure how to help. Witnessing their struggles and not knowing how to respond can leave you feeling helpless, yet providing social support is crucial for their recovery.
Whether it’s a partner, family member, or close friend going through this experience, taking the time to educate yourself on trauma and its effects is an essential first step. By understanding what they may be going through and learning effective ways to offer support, you can play a meaningful role in their healing process.
Avoid Making Judgments
It’s difficult to understand why someone struggles to “move on” from trauma. Especially if you haven’t experienced it yourself or if you perceive shared experiences differently. Wanting things to improve is natural, but it’s essential not to blame or pressure them to recover without the necessary time and support.
Similarly, avoid judging those who don’t react as strongly as you might expect. Everyone processes trauma differently, and some may not be as deeply affected. Don’t assume someone requires professional help or specific types of support, and don’t mistake a less visible reaction as a lack of impact from the trauma.
Provide Helpful Assistance
Someone who has experienced a traumatic event may require practical support. Trauma can affect their ability to think clearly or stay organized, making tasks like cooking or cleaning particularly helpful.
However, ensure they maintain control and have a say in what happens around them. Avoid taking over completely. Trauma often stems from experiences of powerlessness. Pressuring them or dictating their actions could reinforce those feelings. Instead, focus on encouraging them to decide. Enroll in an EMDR certification program to offer a more professional form of support.
Struggling with Beliefs
Trauma can sometimes challenge our faith or spiritual beliefs, whether it’s the person who experienced the trauma or you, as their supporter. A loved one may have faced trauma within a religious or spiritual community.
Leaving this environment requires actions that go against certain religious teachings or beliefs. However, this doesn’t make them a bad person. If this is difficult, reach out for support. This could be someone within your religious community or an external source.
Help them Create Boundaries
For individuals who have faced certain forms of trauma, saying ‘no’ can be particularly challenging. This difficulty often stems from a time during their experience when people-pleasing was essential for their safety or to maintain a sense of connection. These patterns lead them to feel obligated to agree to requests, even when it’s not what they truly want.
Reassure them that it’s completely acceptable to prioritize their own boundaries and say ‘no’ when needed. Offering them time to process requests without putting pressure on immediate answers can make a significant difference.
Engaging in conversations about their preferences and dislikes can further foster a sense of autonomy. Including their needs when planning events shows empathy and understanding, reminding them that their comfort matters.
Endnote
A traumatic event can significantly affect not only those who directly experience it but also those around them. If you find yourself impacted by the trauma while supporting someone else (often referred to as secondary trauma), consider seeking support for yourself as well.